Removing Toxic People - Is it Really A Good Decision When it Involves Family?

In the past year, for the first time in my life, I've had to make the decision to separate myself from some "toxic" people.  Some of those people happen to be family members who have been a part of my life from day one.  42 years.  In the process, I've been doing a lot of thinking and an abundance of soul searching.  The process itself has evoked a lot of emotion, some of which has bled out onto my social media profiles.  I'm not ashamed of it, and I'm not just an "emotional poster" on social media.  In fact, everything I am publicly is well thought out and in fact, part of who I am privately.  With that said, nothing I share publicly hasn't already been communicated privately.  But, on that note, it brings with it a myriad of responses and opinions and advice from those who may only know part of the whole story, but wish to share their opinions nonetheless, which may not be the same as mine, but welcomed and expected nonetheless.

One of the opinions I've heard recently was from a very sweet, loving family member whose concern was that I wasn't leaving the past in the past, should embrace the present, and be the "bigger person" and perhaps reconsider my decision.  One thing that I think needs to be made clear is, making the decision to walk away from relationships in the making for 42 years certainly involve dredging up feelings and situations from the past, so inevitably, certain topics are going to be seemingly revived, or maybe they were never completely dead.  But, a requirement of removing an element of toxicity when it comes to relationships, sadly, may in fact require the necessity to walk away.  That is, in fact, unless you find in the process that YOU are the prime source of the toxicity.  Then it would involve making substantial changes within yourself in order to remove that element from your life.

In my case, I undoubtedly own some toxic behaviors.  Who wouldn't, as many of my traits are learned behaviors, which include some acquired in childhood.  With that said, on my mission to embrace my positive potential, I exclaimed my "rebirth" at the beginning of 2015; A journey that will continue throughout the rest of my life.  Its a process which involves close evaluations of behaviors and some major changes.  However, there are certain elements of the toxicity that exists in my life that I simply have no control over, as they are derived from the behaviors of others.  While I can leave the actions of those people that has led to catastrophic situations in the past, I cannot continue to allow their actions to affect my future if their behaviors don't change, and if I truly want to let go of the effects of their past actions.  This may mean I have to forgive, but not forget, as you can't forget something that cycles over, and over again.  Sadly, that involves loving from a distance, and putting active relationships on hold... indefinitely.

Nevertheless, my family member's well-intended advice did not fall on deaf ears, as I've been putting a lot of thought into it over the last few days.  I've never really walked away from anyone in my life. After all, one of the major contributors to my own dysfunctions has been a source of my own toxicity from my very first breath.  In fact, that person has spent their whole life running away from people and cutting them off while continuing to enter into, or be a part of one destructive relationship after another.  After seeing and experiencing so many broken relationships, I grew up with a strong desire and goals to be the polar opposite. I've focused all of my energies into trying to change me in order to change a situation.  Unfortunately, some of those "situations" have involved the behaviors of other toxic people in which I have no control over.  Nevertheless, it's always been my belief that if I work on me, then the situation will change.  It won't.  Nevertheless, when toxic people have entered my life, I allow them, and their toxicities, to remain.

That thought brings me to where I am at this very moment; In the midst of insomnia reflecting on my past.  I think of my teenage years as a high school dropout, in and out of the juvenile legal system.  I wasn't a bad person.  In fact, I really wasn't even a bad kid.  However, I did make some poor decisions based upon my decisions to remain part of certain peer groups.  I was (and still am), however, a bit of a loner.  I never really "belonged" to a certain group, and had some associations with the kids well known among parent groups as the "bad" kids, along with associations with kids known among those same groups as the "good" kids.  Nevertheless, the parents of the "good" kids discouraged, and often disallowed, their children to associate with me.  Of course, knowing I really wasn't "bad," nor would I intentionally pressure any of my friends to engage in activities they didn't want to be a part of, I had a hard time understanding why I wasn't "liked" by these parents.

That brings me to my next thought.  What is a "toxic" person?  Does being labeled "toxic" make a person a "bad" person?  When I think of the relationships that are going to be affected by my decision, I think of a couple "good" people who may not favor my decision, and therefore may no longer be such an active part of my life, as doing so would require the primary source of the toxicity to remain very active in my life, like the glass of whisky setting next to the cola.  Are they, then, "toxic" as well?  Does this now make me a "bad" person for making such a decision that is frowned upon by some?

As an adult, some of these friends parents have welcomed me into their lives, and the lives of their now grown children.  I've never really considered why they seem to "embrace" me now when they didn't seem to "like" me before.  Tonight, however, it really hit me.  They never "disliked" me, they "disliked" some of my behaviors, but even more so, my toxic associations.  While perhaps I wasn't a "toxic" person, I carried with me, certain levels of toxicity acquired through associations.  They simply didn't want their children to be exposed to that.  By allowing them to associate with me, they were allowing them "access" to the toxic elements that were part of my life.  It's like setting a glass of cola down next to a glass of whisky in front of an alcoholic and telling him/her to only drink the cola, but it has to be consumed right there at that very spot. While he/she may comply, there is undoubtedly a certain amount of emotional impact that will result from his/her ability to refrain from touching the whisky.  A decision must be made.  By all means, if his/her willpower is great enough, he/she may choose to drink the coke.  Others, however, may be required to walk away, despite their level of thirst.  For some alcoholics, continuing to introduce the element of alcohol into their lives will eventually lead to repetition of past behaviors. Unless the alcohol is removed from the situation, the alcoholic is taking a risk.

This is exactly where I am in my life right now.  Sadly, there is a certain level of risk by continuing to allow "actively" toxic people into my life.  While I can't make those people recognize or change their behaviors, I can change mine.  What I've learned, however, is that in order to truly leave the past behind me, I have to remove the element that keeps dredging it up, meaning I have no choice but to walk away from more than just one person.  Are those people, like me as a teenager, "bad" people?  No.  None of them, including the most toxic, are "bad".  However, all of them carry certain elements that are simply so "bad" for me that it's not healthy for me to continue exposing myself to them.  In other words, I'm the alcoholic who tends to drink the whiskey.  Perhaps like me, the teenager who eventually grew up to be respected by her friends parents, those people will free themselves of their toxicities.  Until then, I have to free myself in order to continue my journey of recreating myself.

Are you dealing with a similar situation?  If so, what toxicities exist in your life that you may have to walk away from in order to free yourself of chaotic behaviors?  Accepting the unknown impact of disassociating yourself may very well be the first step in the right direction!

DigiStick ~~REVIEW~~

Whether it's a sporting event, a community park, or a shopping mall, it seems there's always someone taking the opportunity to snap a selfie!  While I see so many people taking the perfectly placed shots, I can never seem to get a good enough grip on my phone to get a great selfie.  Those days, however, are now in the past, thanks to this Selfie Stick!  The Digi Stick grips onto my phone firmly and securely.  Being one who has a cracked screen on a regular basis, it's comforting to know my phone won't slip out of this device.  Once paired to my device, this digi stick was so easy to use, and the expansion of 32" gives me plenty of room to get the most perfect shot!*I received this product for free in exchange for my honest review.

#Halloween Costume ~~REVIEW~~

This costume is adorable, there's no doubt about that! It is designed from great quality materials, and as long as the owner takes care of it, it could easily hold up through many fun parties and events. The headband could actually be worn casually as well, or, in my case... my girls will want to wear it to school from time to time. The colors are bright, and it does bear a striking resemblance to Snow White. The problem, however.... is that I ordered it in an XL. I was really excited to see this company offered a costume in this size, and couldn't wait to get it! Unfortunately, it was far from being an XL in any sense of the term. In fact, my 11-year old daughter will be headed out this Halloween as Snow White, as it fits her perfectly. Now, at 5'2", she is taller than some adults. With that said, there are certainly many adults that this would be a PERFECT costume for. I'm just not one of them. It did fit her very well, and was not too "adult" for her, as it did not fit her in the same way it would fit an adult. Overall, I'm satisfied, just kind of bummed that it didn't fit me.

Secret Bright - Skin Brightener for Intimate and Delicate Areas ~~REVIEW~~

Oddly enough, this Skin Brightener for Intimate Areas didn't really do anything for me in regard to my intimate areas, including underarms.  However, like others who have experienced this product, I did notice that it faded some dark spots on my face, and left my face appearing brighter.  Like others as well, I didn't notice any irritation. I liked the consistency of this product, as it wasn't too thick and greasy, nor was it too thin and watery. I received this product for a discounted price in exchange for my honest review.

Dr. Stephanie's Relationship Repair for Couples ~~~BOOK REVIEW~~~

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Prior to my current relationship, I spent my entire life avoiding close relationships.  Of course, that is a completely separate topic of discussion, which I do actually plan on one day introducing into my blog.  However, I have now been in a relationship with one person for about 17 years now.  It has certainly had it's ups and downs, and I would be lying if I said I haven't spent times wondering "why did I ever get myself into this?"  Furthermore, while the "ups" are fantastic, the downs have, at times, crossed the border of being "chaotic".  I once had a friend tell me, "when you guys are good, you truly are reaaaaaaaaaaal good, but when you're bad, you're "reaaaaaaaaaaaaal bad"," and another dubbed us "Whitney and Bobby." In other words, until recent years, where we've slowly learned the concept of "doing something different" in order to break the cycle, there was no "middle ground."

I recently had the opportunity to read this book written by Stephanie Weiland Knarr, titled "Dr. Stephanie's Relationship Repair for Couples," which has really evoked a myriad of emotions.  My thought process has went from "why did I ever get myself into this," to "why haven't I thought of this before."  It's that thought process that has led me to taking steps to strengthen the bond, vs walk away from it, which is something that has crossed my mind on more than one occasion.

Upon visiting her website, you'll see that Dr. Stephanie takes a customer service approach to minimizing conflict within relationships.  I've been in customer service for most of my adult life.  I excel at my job, and remain consistently in the top 5 percent when it comes to providing outstanding service, diffusing escalated situations, and delivering high-quality results.  I have admittedly found myself often wondering how I can be so successful in creating such positive impacts when it comes to my job, yet continue to fail at home.  I never really thought, however, about the skills I implement at my job, and apparently leave there every day at 4:30pm.  Why don't I use those same skills in my personal relationships?  If I did, would my friendships and relationship with my fiance be much stronger?  Would I learn to eliminate the frequency of conflicts?  I never gave these questions any consideration until I stumbled upon Dr Stephanie's book, which I received for free in exchange for my honest review.  Dr. Stephanie poses some thought-provoking topics, and offers suggestions in an easy-to-read format, designed to build stronger relationships.  I would recommend her book to any couple, before, after and during times of personal struggle.

Live Infinitely - Fruit Infused Water Bottle ~~REVIEW~~

This is a pretty awesome water bottle. I have one in black, and one in green. I received them free of charge in exchange for my honest review. I gave them to my twin daughters, who love to carry a bottle of water to school with them. They are super happy with their "cool" water bottles. There are several features of this water bottle that I love:

- There's a little "loop" on the top lid. I was able to attach a carabiner clip to this and clip the bottle to their backpacks.

- The lid on the top and the bottom piece both screw off, making the pieces MUCH easier to fill and clean.

- Between each piece of fruit, I inserted an ice cube (after reading the suggestion), which helped to keep my kids drinks cool for much longer, and did not waste a lot of space with ice.

- This is larger than the average water bottle.

The girls really love how adding the fruit has enhanced the taste of their water, which they absolutely love. My son was a bit jealous, so we will be ordering one for him as well. We love them so much, we might even order a couple of the "big kids" (aka parents) in the home as well.

Lumi Essence Advanced Skin Brightening/Whitening Repair Treatment ~~REVIEW~~

At this stage in my life, a good skin brightener is one of my favorite skincare products.  Naturally, skin will become dull over time.  Furthermore, age may also result in more blemishes, age spots, discoloration, etc.  An excellent skin brightener, however, can do a good job in diminishing the appearance of those blemishes, and restore a bright, youthful appearance.

Like other Lumi Essence products I have tried in the past, the Advanced Skin Brightening/Whitening Repair Treatment did not disappoint.  I love the consistency of this product, and the fact that it applies with a silky smooth feel.  The creamy texture is not too thick, and doesn't leave an oily residue on your skin, which is actually a feature of all of the Lumi Essence products I've had an opportunity to try so far.  Just within 30 days of using this product, I can see a positive significant difference in the appearance of my skin.  *I received a discount for this product in exchange for my honest opinion.

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Miss & Co Delicates Laundry Bags ~~~REVIEW~~~

I've had a need for laundry bags for quite some time. However, knowing I needed them, I just never got around to purchasing any. Sadly, for me, they were one of those things that were farthest from my mind... UNTIL.... it was time to do laundry. With that said, I've had numerous delicate items completely ruined due to my inability to remember such an important item. I recently received this offer to try this set of 5 mesh garment bags for free in exchange for my honest review. I knew I would be absolutely nuts to turn down the offer knowing how much I needed them.

While I was impressed enough to be receiving a total of 5 bags with this set, I was even more impressed when I received them. The largest bag is EXTRA large, allowing room for my daughter's sequined dancewear along with other delicate clothing items. The smaller bags, on the other hand, are perfect for items like hosiery, socks, underwear, etc. Of course, the smaller pouches are perfect for a bra or other like items. We actually decided to divide the actual bags among household members based on need. We also found that these bags are a perfect remedy for the "sock monster," as he doesn't seem to go near the bags. We love them!

Lumbar and Back Support Cushion ~~REVIEW~~

In this day and age where it seems there are just not enough hours in the day to get everything done, I find myself overwhelmed with work, thus meaning I'm in my office chair 90 percent of every single day. With that said, being in the seated position so much tends to take it's toll on my lower back. I do try to get up, stretch, exercise, etc., as much as possible, but it doesn't stop my back from aching. My office chair is designed with a lumbar support, but there are some days when that's just not enough. I really liked the look of this lumbar support pillow, and was even more enticed by the reviews. Then, when I received the opportunity to try it for free in exchange for my review as well, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

 When my package arrived just a few days after ordering, I was delighted to open it to find an incredibly comfortable looking pillow. But will it do the job, that is the question.... While many people enjoy this type of pillow to use in the car while traveling, I prefer to use it in the home. With that said, I really like how it's designed with an adjustable strap in order to fit a variety of different sized seats. In addition to being adjustable, the strap is made of a stretchable material, thus allowing the most secure fit possible.

 The cushion itself is so amazingly comfortable. I'm able to use it for hours without feeling any discomfort in my back/spine. I have used it in the living room while sitting on my very uncomfortable couch, as well as in my office. In fact, since receiving this cushion, the dining room table (and the toilet) ;) is the only place I've sat without using my cushion. If you can't stand another second of uncomfortable back pain, I recommend you head over to Amazon right now and order one of these for yourself!

Switch Belt ~~~REVIEW~~~

I have a set of twins who are as different from each other as night and day.  One is very reserved and prissy, the other is full of spunk and funk.  Well, the second I received an offer to receive this Switch Belt in Purple for free in exchange for my honest review, I knew Ms. SpunkNFunk would be super excited.  I didn't tell her about it, and when it arrived, she saw the nice, clear, plastic case holding the belt and her mouth dropped open. One would have thought I was giving her a suitcase filled with a million dollars or something.  Upon opening it up, quite honestly, I thought it was the strangest belt I had ever seen.  It's very thick, and somewhat difficult to work through the loops.  However, on the other hand, it's extremely durable... and it's waterproof!  Best of all, my child (who is stick thin and never seems to have a belt) LOVES IT!  To see a smile on her face, and to see her taking more pride in the way she dresses as a result of something as simple as a belt, makes this mom happy.  Furthermore, I don't have to worry about her tearing it up, because it's designed with such strong materials that it's sure to hold up through all of the torture she may attempt to put it through!

~~Reserved~~

Luxy Beauty Care Long-Handles Shower Brush ~~REVIEW~~

When I first began looking for a shower brush, I never considered it more than a soothing tool used to massage my skin and spread the lather around my body while I showered.  However, body brushing is apparently a "thing".  It's a beneficial "thing" at that!  Did you know that the benefits of body brushing include:

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• Increased circulation to your skin
• Removes dead cells while promoting cell renewal 
• Skin becomes firmer and tighter
• Relieves stress, soothes aching muscles
• ...and more!

I didn't know these things until I had the opportunity to try this long-handled shower brush by Luxy Beauty Care free in exchange for my honest opinions.  Some may say that all shower brushes are the same... Well, I'll never know, because this one is absolutely wonderful, and you know what they say... "If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it!"  

This brush is very long.  In fact, it's so long that I wasn't able to hang it from the water spout in my tub, and had to hang it from the shower head.  I am very tall, and have a long torso, so the length works perfectly for those hard-to-reach areas.  It's made from durable materials, and I don't foresee it breaking any time in the near future.  It has really soft, soothing bristles, that really does do a great job at relieving stress after a long day of work.  It also has a handy massager on the back that is designed to tackle achy muscles.  

Gurin Compact Dehumidifier ~~REVIEW~~

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When I started working from home recently, my first concern was the humidity in the space which was once a small 8x8 basement/laundry room that I converted into an office.  While it was the perfect size for my office, I was concerned that the humidity would wreak havoc on my computer equipment.  With that said, my search for a dehumidifier began.

If you haven't figured it out by now, my office space is VERY small.  With that said, I didn't need a large piece of equipment, yet needed something that would get the job done.  Soon after I began searching, I received an offer to purchase this Gurin DHMD-210 Electric Compact Dehumidifier at a heavily discounted price in exchange for my honest review.  Considering my need for a dehumidifier along with the attractiveness of the offer, I accepted.

Before I really get started, I want to stress.... This is a very, VERY compact machine.  It is not designed for a large space.  With that said, if your room is substantially larger than the one I described above, then this is NOT the machine for you.  However, if you have a small office, closet, bathroom, and perhaps a very small kitchen (which I have seen some actually smaller than my office space), then you're in the right place!  This tiny, but effective machine is 6 inches wide, 8.5 inches in height and 5" in diameter.  It fits perfectly into a corner in my office without taking up any needed space.  If needed, I could always slide it under my desk or set it atop my desk without it getting in the way.

The machine does not use a compressor, and is designed with "whisper technology".  Simply put, it's quiet and not disruptive.  It is designed to collected about 8 oz. of moisture daily at 86F degrees.  The 16 oz. tank, located on the front of the machine, snaps out easily when it's full, and is super easy to empty and then snap back in quickly, ready for use.

I would recommend this to anyone looking for a dehumidifier for a SMALL space.

Oleavine Health All Natural Therapeutic Foot Soak ~~REVIEW~~

There's nothing like a warm, soothing, relaxing foot soak after a long, hard day/week, right?  I really enjoy just sitting back with a glass of wine and my feet in a tub full of warm water.  While we usually just use Epsom salt in our foot baths in my house, I recently received the opportunity to try All Natural Therapeutic Tea Tree Mint Foot Soak from Oleavine.

The minty scent of this amazing soak is enough to send your senses into a paradise free from all the stresses and worries of life.  However, the soak, made from a variety of therapeutic salts and oils, is also designed to tackle nasty foot odor, fungus, and skin irritations.  The best news is, it really works! I've got to get back to the scent for a minute, however.  Yesterday afternoon was the last time I used this foot soak, and here I am 24 hours later, still smelling the delightfulness of tea tree mint floating through the air in my home.  I can't go on enough about how wonderful it is.  Don't take my word for it though.... Try it out for yourself!!

VinousQ Wine and Beer Bottle Opener ~~REVIEW~~

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If you like wine like I do, then you can understand and appreciate the need for a good, reliable wine bottle opener.  After all, there is nothing worse than trying to wrestle with a bottle of wine when you're already stressed out and in need of a relaxing moment with your glass of wine.  I could go on  talking about the numerous struggles I've dealt with when it comes to cheap, flimsy, low-quality bottle openers, but I won't.  Instead, I'll move on to my review of this fantastic, sturdy, reliable Wine and Beer Bottle Opener by VinousQ.

When I received the heavy package in the mail, I had no clue what it was.  I definitely didn't think it would be this product.  When I opened it, however, I was pleasantly surprised.  It comes packaged in an exquisite looking box that screams "high-quality".  In fact, I plan on keeping my opener stored in the box behind my bar when not in use.  The product is much bigger than any bottle opener I've ever purchased in the past, allowing much more room to penetrate the cork and pull it out in one swift, easy maneuver, rather than several attempts like I have had to do in the past.  I've had bottle openers bend and break while trying to open my bottle.  This opener is so sturdy in design that I don't expect that to happen at all.

*I received this product for free in exchange for my honest review

SantaMedical Non-Contact Infrared Thermometer ~~REVIEW~~

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Nearly any parent, especially first time parents, knows how challenging it can be to take a child's temperature when they are sick.  That's why I really looked forward to the opportunity to try the SantaMedical Non-contact Infrared Thermometer for a discounted price in exchange for my honest review.  As a mother of 4, I actually got to the point where I lived without a thermometer and just started taking guesses, simply because I could never get my kids to cooperate when I wanted to take their temps.  After all, they felt like poo, the last thing they wanted to do was sit there for what seemed like forever with a cold glass instrument in their mouth, or something prodding their ear.  I have a couple friends preparing to have new babies, and thought something like this might be a perfect component of my gift basket for their baby showers.

This thermometer uses 2 AAA batteries, which are included.  Also included is a soft (suede?) storage pouch, providing a safe place for storage when the thermometer is not in use.  According to the included instructions, the device is pre-set at the factory and does not have a need to be calibrated.  While I did read some other reviews indicating they needed to calibrate their device, I found it provided a very accurate reading straight out of the box.  According to the instructions, there may be times when certain procedures may be necessary to acclimate the device, should the ambient temperature of an environment change significantly.  The instructions also indicate that the most reliable way to check the temperature is by aiming the device at the forehead, over the right temporal region, from a distance of about 3 to 5 cm.  At that point, operation is as simple as pressing a button and reading the instant result, which is digitally displayed on the screen.

What is your favorite method of taking your child's temperature?  Share your thoughts below.

Undercover Travel Security Kit ~~REVIEW~~

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I really wish I had this Undercover Travel Security Kit: Waist Money Belt and Neck Stash Wallet Combo by Trekimo a couple of months ago, when we took our kids on vacation to an amusement park.  Fortunately, we had no issues.  However, we had to make frequent trips to our locker to get money and other important items out as needed.  With this belt/neck pouch kit, we wouldn't have even had to have spent the $15 for the locker.

My first thought when I received the offer to try this combo out for free in exchange for an honest review was three words:  "Fanny Pack... ew".  Nevertheless, I did find myself a little intrigued, as it seemed to differ from the traditional fanny pack.  What I received, promptly and neatly packaged, were the following two items:

Undercover Money Belt - This belt is adjustable and designed to be worn around your waist.  The outer layer has a soft mesh covering, and the inner layer has two zippered pockets.  You can actually fit quite a bit into these pockets, such as money, jewelry, credit cards, cell phone, and more.  Unlike fanny packs, which are typically designed with a bulky pouch, this product is designed relatively flat (of course it will bulk up a bit with items inside), and will conceal easily under your clothes.

Hidden Neck Pouch - I prefer to wear mine cross-body.  Like the waist belt, this pouch has a soft mesh outer layer.  The top part, which includes a small zippered pouch, perfect for carrying money, including loose change, folds over to a velcro attachment.  The back side includes a pouch big enough for most cell phones, and a couple more pouches where you could put money and/or credit cards, however, they don't zip up.  Aside from the fact that I probably wouldn't use the pockets that don't zip, deeming them useless to me, I really like this kit.

Considering the fact that we take several fun outings with our kids each Summer, I expect to get a lot of great use from this.

Question of the Day:  Where do you stash your money, credit cards, and other valuables when you're out and about?  Do you carry just a purse and/or wallet, or do you use something like this?

#LEDballoonslights ~~REVIEW~~

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My kids are crazy about these fun LED balloon lights, and offering dozens of different suggestions for uses.  They come packaged individually in a little plastic pouch, and are fairly simple to use.   After you twist off the top, you'll have to remove a little piece of paper from the cap (it looks like the little circle left behind after using a hole punch).  Once removed, you can twist the cap back on and the light will turn on.  They are battery-operated, each one using three small button-cell batteries.

While the lights were made for paper lanterns, you can use them for virtually anything your heart desires.  There is a little loop hole at the top, where you can insert a string to hang them.  My son (a teenager) wants to hang them in his room, but my 11-year old twins have other plans for them.  With that said, it looks like I'll be ordering another supply soon.  Right now, we're going to use them to light up some of our Halloween decorations.  If you have a creative mind, you can definitely find a variety of fun uses for these little lights.  I, for one, am not always so creative, so the only thing I would have liked to have seen with these lights is perhaps a guide that explains the different ways you might be able to use them, and perhaps some simple instructions. What color is your favorite, and how would you use these lights?  Share your ideas below.