Dear Rachel,
I get it. As a mother
of biracial children and a step-mother to three young, black women, I can
relate to what you have probably experienced and witnessed in your own
life. I should probably stop and explain
that, technically, I’m not their step-mother, as I’m not married to their
father. However, we’ve been together
since they were fairly young, and I identify
as their step-mother. Likewise, they
identify me as their step-mother as well.
You see, think there is a fine line that weaves its way
between the understanding, intent and overall meaning of “identify” and “relate”. In my case, the ideal of me as their
step-mother is a concept embraced and accepted among the four of us and our
extended families. In your case, perhaps
a better approach would have been to use the term, “relate to” instead of “identify
as” when it came to your position as a “black woman,” not only due to the
nature of the topic in relation to the world in which we live, but in order to
gain and retain respect in your position as a leader of the group you’re relating
to, or as you say, “identifying to”.
It’s amazing how a simple short phrase can change
everything, isn’t it? My heart truly
goes out to you as you face a long road ahead filled with anger, disappointment,
speculation and pressure from thousands, and perhaps millions of people across
the country. Despite the mounting
evidence against you, I can’t help but to believe that it was never your
intention to deceive or hurt anyone who you’ve spent an abundance of time, hard
work and effort to represent. I do believe that you have immersed yourself
so far into your own personal life experiences, your educational achievements
in the arena of African American Studies, and your work that you, in fact feel
such an attachment justifying your use of the term “identify as”. I also get that you’re an incredibly
brilliant woman, and I know and you know that the phrase “I identify as” isn’t
the equivalent of “I am.” Therefore, in
the context of your race, when you say “identify as,” the world’s perception is
that “you are”.
As I watch your interviews, I see a person struggling with what
she believes is the truth vs what the world may perceive as the truth. I see a woman who stands upon and truly
believes in honesty, integrity and fair treatment of others, but on the other
hand struggles to accept the difference between personal and world views. Surely, this struggle makes it difficult to
answer the questions thrown at you as honestly as possible when you view your life
from a perspective in which perhaps only you can understand… which to an extent,
makes the answers you gave, in fact, true… to you. As an individual, you own your life experiences. Only you know the pain you’ve felt when you’ve
seen friends and family members face discrimination. Only you know what you’ve
experienced as a woman who is/was perceived to be black, for a time. But while you have witnessed life from the
perspective as a black person and have perhaps even experienced it to an extent,
you haven’t “grown up” as a black woman, which is where I feel some of the
black population may feel that they have been deceived by you. While you may certainly know what it’s like
to a certain extent, you haven’t had nor will you ever have the opportunity to
experience it to the fullest extent, as you have no control over your
experiences before you gained the ability to fully control the direction of
your life. Simply, it is what it is.
Nevertheless, this experience, like all others that have
preceded it, is yours. Likewise, the
experiences of those who are, in fact, genetically African-American (or any
other nationality or race, for that matter), are theirs. While your experiences likely draw many
common comparisons, please understand… they are emphatically different. With that said, I hope you use it as a
learning opportunity and continue your pursuits in creating a world where
people of all races, cultures and nationalities and live harmoniously and with
equal treatment. I also hope that
despite the errors in judgment on your behalf, those whose lives have been
positively impacted by your contributions will, in fact, see how much of an
impact you have had thus far and will continue to have, if only given the
opportunity to proceed without continued scrutiny based on the current
situation.
In the meantime, just as you wish people might be able to
see things from your perspective I encourage you to understand it from
theirs. In fact, I think that’s the only
way you’re going to continue to succeed.
However, if the matters you’ve been standing up for truly do matter to
you, and are not just part of a personal agenda to acquire a sense of belonging
or entitlement, then you will eventually be taken seriously once again. But be prepared… you’ll now face a struggle
on an entirely new level. One which I
have a feeling you can handle. As a
white mother of black children, I want so badly to see you succeed, as in today’s
world it doesn’t take just one race to achieve success in the fight against
inequality, it takes many. As a white
mother of black children, I can “relate to” the heartbreak experienced when I
have seen my own children be discriminated against. As a white mother of black children and as a
partner to a black man, I have witnessed discrimination on many levels and know
it still exists and can “relate to” the pain my family members have experienced
as a result. In other words… you don’t
have to “identify as” something in order to “relate to” it and in order to make
a difference. I hope and pray that you one
day embrace, love and appreciate the person who is Rachel Dolezal and who has the intelligence and ability to make
a difference in this world because she can “relate to” the adversities
experienced by so many of its inhabitants.
Best of luck to you….
Monica
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